


Here, In My Room

by nightcaller



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-08-02
Updated: 2012-08-02
Packaged: 2017-11-11 06:51:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/475763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightcaller/pseuds/nightcaller
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bella is Jake's girl. Edward intends to change that. Sweaty back seats, stolen glances that cross the line and unrequited love that holds back no more. Edward & Bella AH.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Two Of You

I can feel my legs sweating, and I try my hardest to keep from touching my outer calf to yours.

The back seat is crowded, but I like it this way, when you sit back here beside me. I can touch you here.

Brown eyes catch mine in the rear view mirror. I still love his eyes. His thick, lush, charcoal lashes provide such a beautiful border.

Bass vibrates through the seat, into my back, and I am aware that the cotton shirt I am wearing is damp now.

The passenger side door opens and Jasper gets back into the car.

I see him pass Jake some money as we pull out of the parking garage.

You start mouthing the lyrics to the song playing, and I steal a glance at your lips. Those lips, that felt so good.

Down there.

Last night.

I squeeze my legs together as the guilt stings inside. I should feel bad.

I don't even feel awkward around the two of you, together, anymore. It has all become so routine. To hide these feelings and steal whatever I can, behind closed doors, away from any chance of exposure.

It's become easy to live this lie.

You make it easy. To lie to him everyday.

Even though I say to myself that it's you that makes this lie that I'm living so easy to accept, deep down I know there's more.

The contempt that I feel for him also weighs heavily on my actions.

Contempt is what I feel inside for him now. Hatred for the pain, embarrassment and confusion he caused me to feel. Scorn for knowing what he was doing wasn't right but justifying it in my head as proof that he loved me instead.

Because, If I could make him that angry, he had to love me, right?

After all, when my father got that angry with my mother, it was only because he loved her so much, right?

To know that Jake loved me just as much as I loved him, was all I needed to keep my mouth closed. To cover the bruises. To forgive him.

To take him back.

Again and again.

A/N: Let me know your thoughts? Thanks so much for stopping by :)


	2. PUSH-PULL

I feel his hand caress the back of my knee as he pulls to the traffic light. From the middle of the back seat, I spot a McDonald's and instantly crave a fountain coke as Jake switches lanes.

For some reason, as lame as it sounds, I have always loved being high, crammed in the car with people that I like, listening to good music while riding around.

I have special privileges when it comes to doing things like this- going on runs with the guys. I have been around most of them since I was little, so they consider me to be one of them. They know I won't roll on them. As feminine as I am, I know that they see me as one of the boys.

The car slows down and I know that Jake knows what I want. He has spotted the McDonalds as well and we pull into the drive through.

A pang of guilt flows straight to my stomach and I no longer want a soda. I feel your pointer finger gently stroke the under side of my forearm and I smile and lean my head against the leather.

It is insane, my life.

The push-pull I put myself through every day just to keep the two of you. I want to look at you but I cannot because emotions are so high that everyone in the car will know my inner thoughts if I look you in the eye right now.

Therefore, I just smile, and lay my head against the leather as the bass lowers and Jake orders two cokes and three fudge sundaes.

Minutes later, Emmett has already killed his sundae and you haven't touched yours. You want me to take a bite. I know you do.

You're so thoughtful like that.

You never take a bite of your food before I touch mine when we are together. You've put your sundae in the cup holder in front of me and started breaking up some bud.

I grab your spoon and pull out an ice-cold delicious bite of creamy vanilla heaven. God, it tastes so good with my Coke.

I glance at you as I pull the spoon out of my mouth. I feel the corners of my mouth spread wide with my happiness. You're beautiful.

Your head is positioned behind the headrest and straight in line with mine so that you can tell me everything you want to with your eyes, with no threat of Emmett or Jake seeing.

Jasper is counting money; we both know he isn't paying attention to our slow motion love affair back here.

As your fingers break the bud, your eyes are on mine, burning an intense fire. I can't stay locked into your gaze so I bail out for a glance at the perfect pile you've made on the CD case. I glance back up to your eyes and they are still on mine. You wink at me as you pull a pack of papers from your wallet. I watch your beautiful hands mold the mound of bud into a perfect cigarette-shaped joint.

The bass is high again and I'm feeling fuzzy from the weed I've already smoked today so I just smile at you in contentment as you look back to me.

Your eyes piercing mine, you take the joint, bring it to your lips and lick it sealed with a smirk as you put it behind your ear.

You know what you do to me.

I watch your hand move in slow motion towards my legs. I watch you, watching me, for my reaction and I'm on high alert as your hand moves closer to me.

Closer to the area between my legs.

Lightning strikes there.

I start to tense up and then you do it.

You grab your sundae.

Fucking tease.

Thank God.

I hear you let out a breathy laugh to yourself as I squeeze my thighs together.

As I release my knees from the clench, that provided me no relief, I feel Jake's fingers find their way back into the crease of my knee as he holds the steering wheel with his other hand.

I look to the front seat and my focus shifts to the mirror as I see him eyeing you.

Did he just see all of that? Did he watch me flood with euphoria as I looked at you? Does he know something is going on?

Fucking hell. I'm so high that I've completely forgotten where I was for at least thirty seconds. I look next to me to see that Emmett is concentrating on his phone. Looks like he's trolling. Jasper is still working on the fudge stuck to the side of his sundae cup and Jake is now staring straight at me.

Panic starts to roll through me as I adjust my position.

"Hey, E."

I hear him speak but you don't. You're into the song as you mouth the words and bring a spoonful of ice cream to your mouth. You look at me before you open your mouth but I don't look back at you because I know he's watching.

I slightly nudge you with my elbow and you hold the sundae out for me to take again. You think I want more. I can't even look at you because I'm watching at Jake, whose attention is alternating between you, me and the road.

I feel Emmett reach behind me and across the seat to flick the back of your head.

"Yo, E!"

I hear Jake call you again as the car sets back into motion.

Your elbow is in my space as you bring the joint to your lips and lick it sealed one more time.

"Yeah"

You look at Jake.

Every muscle in my body tightens as the two of you look at each other. Can you read each other's thoughts? Is this it? Is it gonna go down right now, right here, in this car?

You won't let him hurt me. I say this to myself over and over to remain calm.

Jake glances at me and then back to you as he says "So where were you last night? Everybody showed but you."

I hear your lighter flick as my jaw tightens.

"I told you yesterday that I wasn't going to make it. You don't listen to me," you say as you take a pull and inhale while looking at the joint and then back to him.

You stare him straight in the eye. No lies from you, just straight forward answers.

"Shit was badass E. Fuckin' girls every where. You know Alec's gonna be gettin' pussy on the side now that he's finally open," Emmett says as he winks at me when I look at him with disgust.

Alec and Victoria have been together for as long as I can remember. I can't imagine one without the other.

I feel your hand on my chin as you turn my face to yours.

A/N: Reviews mean so much and your thoughts are welcome as well, so thanks :) For all of you Judgey-McJudgersons out there, give Bella a chance before you judge her. She's given this more thought than you might think.


	3. STARDUST

You no longer care about touching me in front of him. You've started acting like you used to, before we ever went there-before we crossed that line, as if every touch is warranted by innocent friendship.

I see the joint in your mouth and I automatically open mine. You tilt my head and bring your face so close.

So close.

Your eyes are wide open, staring into mine, burning your quiet thoughts into me, as I pull the smoke you blow out of your mouth, into mine. The thumb that was on my cheek has moved to rub loving caresses on my neck as you finish the shotgun.

I don't want to look away from your gaze. I just know I will stare right in that mirror and find Jake seeing the truth in my eyes.

I feel your forearm graze my nipple as you pass the joint to Emmett. You apply tickle light pressure with an upward stroke and my eyes are back in the mirror but my mind is back in my bedroom, on the phone with you last night, before we came together and changed our worlds.

I had not cheated when Jake had accused me.

However, after so many accusations, I did.

I finally did.

And I loved it.

And I loved you.

You were everything and anything I never knew I had or wanted. So new-to-me and surreal. Everything I had known of love before then was stardust compared to the planets I viewed that night.

You were love. Real love.

All of the kisses we shared hastily were quickly becoming not-enough.

We needed more. The connection we shared was too intense, we needed more.

We needed naked skin to naked skin. Your chest to my chest. Dripping sweat and words exchanged that would reign true throughout time.

You called. I answered.

It was another one of those nights.

One of those nights that I had been emotionally taken advantage of and rejected. One of those nights that he had told me that 'I didn't love him enough and that I was a slut and all I did was fuck other motherfuckers and make him look like an idiot.'

You called. I answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey."

Smile.

"Hey."

Heartbeat.

"I want to see you tonight."

Pounding heartbeats.

"I want to see you too."

Smile

"I want to really see you tonight."

Smile.

Shaky breath.

"Come over. Stay with me tonight."

"Come to your house?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Rose is here, I'll see if I can just catch a ride with her."

I realize that I'm whispering.

I could almost hear you smile through the phone.

"I can't wait to see you."

Deep breath.

"I know how you feel."

Your voice is low and needy when you speak.

"I'll see you soon then."

Smile

"See you soon."

The music stops and I realize the car has stopped as well. We are back at Jake's house and everyone is getting out of the car.

I'm in a fuzzy daze as I step out onto the driveway. I bring my hand up to my brow to shade my eyes from the bright sun. I glance at my car and then at you.

You already have your keys in your hand with your back turned to me. Jake comes up behind me and wraps his arm around my midsection. I feel his lips on my ear as he says "Come on; let's go inside, I've got something in my pocket that I know you'll love."

I am not interested in getting high and making out in the middle of the day with Jake anymore. I just want to know where you're going. I want to come with you.

I turn around and look at Jake, which is a bad idea because his lips are now on the corner of my mouth and I can see you out of the corner of my eye.

You turn around and you see.

You don't like it.

It's different now.

Everything is different now.

After last night.

Even through the intensity of this moment, I cannot stop myself from revisiting last night. My mind starts to tumble back through the whispers, the sweat, the look in your eyes and the way it felt when you stretched me to fit you.

A/N: Your reviews not only make me a better writer, but they mean so much. Thank you :) Infinite thanks to surething302 and SereneInNC for their support.


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